God! I haven’t posted in months! Now I don’t want this to be one of those blogs where the posts appear so infrequently that the blogger has to put up an “apology post” just to make up for it (Look at me, all conceited, thinking I have fans who resent me for not posting). Neither do I want this blog to be one where meaningless posts like these are ever posted. And yet I find myself at this weird, awkward juncture tiptoeing across that fine line separating hypocrisy from the rest of the world. Sigh! Can I salvage this post before it ends? I’m not sure. If you’re still reading this sentence, I’m just as unsure as you are about where this post is going.
Okay, with that said, let’s dive straight into my world of excuses for not posting lately. It’s not that I’ve been lazing around doing nothing important the last few months. I have. Also I’m a vastly different person now compared to who I was when I put up my last post. I’m finally working in a field that I care about. I’ve had the pleasure of working with people I admire and draw inspiration from them. I’m just working on so many things at once that writing random shit on my blog just went down in priority, I guess. I’m exploring my creativity through other media as well.
Dude, seriously? Nobody gives a fuck.
Wait what the fuck? Who was that!?
Stop this lame-ass sentimental bullshit, dude. You’re better than this. Throw on that Kendrick Lamar parody you’ve been working on.
Who the fuck are you and why are you typing in italics?
I’m your internal shit-filter.
You mean like sewage decontamination?
No, dumbass. I’m your internal judgement of what you write. You have a “drafts” folder three times the length of your blog. Who do you think kept you from posting all that mind-numbing idiocy?
I see. So, if you’re so good at judging what’s well constructed writing, why don’t you write shit yourself?
That’s the thing. I have zero creativity of my own. All I can do is sit here, and judge your work. And that of others, obviously. I’m just here to make sure you don’t post pointless bullshit like what you were typing out at the start. And when you do post pointless bullshit, I ensure you post it in a creative way.
I hear pissing people off as a literature critic or something is a lucrative career.
Like I said, I can’t write on my own.
You’re literally writing this on your own.
Wait, you’re right… What does this mean?? I… I think I’m liberated… I’m FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Hold on, Sherlock. It looks like you need your own shit-filter now.
What do you mean?
You’re part of this post and it’s still shit so far. Look at how many people have lost valuable time reading lame shit.
Well it’s not great. But how is it shit?
Look at the start of this conversation. You’ve set yourself in a frame where you’re presenting yourself as smarter than me. Or at least as someone with better judgement. Later, you let me break that frame and patronize you. As a reader, when presented with your character in that way, he/she sees you as this mystery person who’s just waaaayy cooler. They’re rooting for you initially. But then you let them down by letting me break your frame and make you look lame. This story, or in this case, this post wouldn’t sell.
Okay. So what are you gonna do about what you’ve written so far?
It’ll just rot in my drafts folder, I guess.
Aaawww, isn’t that cute? You actually think you have a say in what gets posted and what doesn’t.
What do you mean?
I make that decision, remember? You see that “Post” button on the bottom right?
Errr… yeah… wait, are you shifting frames again in an attempt to redeem this post?
Click… the button.
No I won’t… Fuck! I cant resist the urge to post!!
CLICK THE BUTTON!!